Chapter 2: Female bonds (how they shaped me)
Female bonds and how they shaped me.
I think every relationship I’ve had in my life has shaped me into who I am. However, the relationships I feel I have learned the most from are the ones I have had with women.
The first relationship with a woman in your life is the relationship you have with your mom. The first person you seek for comfort. The person who teaches what it’s like to be loved unconditionally. The person that knows you almost as much as she knows herself. I got very lucky in that department. My mom is single handedly the strongest woman I have ever known. For a good majority of my childhood, I watched her navigate being a single mom. She handled it with a grace I know that I never could. Giving two children the best life she possibly could, while working 10 hour days is a struggle that I wouldn't wish on anyone. My mom never told us she struggled, never told us how hard it was to make ends meet, she never once complained about the cards she had been dealt. She has unknowingly taught me the importance of being a strong-willed, independent, and motivated woman.
The next relationship I want to talk about is the relationship I have with my Grandma Suzie. The relationship you have with your grandmother is something very special, very unique. The warm hug you get when you walk into her house, you smell the banana bread she baked just for you. The comfort you feel when she reads Tarzan at night to help you fall asleep, not because it's the only children's book in her house, but because she knows it’s one of your favorites. The endless rounds of hide and seek she would play with you and your brother. The days we shopped until we quite literally dropped. My grandma has taught me to never take anything too seriously, to laugh at any given chance, and to never stop being silly. We only get one life, so make sure you make the most of it.
One of the purest forms of friendships are the ones you make in elementary school. The other little girls that know the boys definitely have cooties. The girls you would sit crisscrossed with and braid each other's hair while the teacher reads a story. The ones that would even tell one of the boys you have a crush on them, because you were too scared to tell them yourself. These girls taught me to never lose the little girl inside of me. I often look back on the girls I knew in elementary school and I wish them so much happiness. I hope they once again feel a love so pure. I hope they feel the love I have for them.
Middle school is a big milestone. Our bodies turn from little girls to young women. Our emotions are coming off stronger than intended, we are the brunt of every “that time of the month” joke. Even after hearing all those lame jokes, this is also when we start to think maybe boys aren't so bad after all. Now you get to tell your friends all about your first boyfriend, the first time he held your hand, and then eventually your first kiss. Although I hardly talk to the girls I was friends with in middle school now, I still feel so much love and appreciation towards them. Nothing made sense at the time, but they made me feel validated. They made me feel less alone. They watched me grow more into myself, and as they watched me change, they rooted for me. They taught me to never stop being unapologetically myself. I watch their lives from the sidelines now, but feel proud to know who they were as well, as who they are now.
High school is where it got a little rocky for me. It’s pretty much a canon event that one of your friends chooses their boyfriend over you. In the moment, it feels like a really big deal. I promise it isn't as big as it seems. High school is where we really tap into self discovery, so while your “best friend” is with her boyfriend once again, you’re learning the importance of self love and independence. I went through many friend groups in high school. And through every friend group, I had the same best friend. A sweet girl who thought every joke I said was funny, and never saw our friendship as a competition, I actually still talk to her today. I also had a friend that had to grow up very fast. I feel lucky to have witnessed the way she handled it. Having a small town judge you for every move is difficult to navigate, but she took all that negativity and channeled it into being the best teen mom I have ever seen. Looking back on all these friendships, I see that they helped me grow and evolve. I feel no animosity towards these girls that made me feel like my friendship wasn't worth anything to them. They taught me change and redirection is a good thing. I wish them the best, truly I do.
Leaving high school, I was afraid that I would have a hard time making friends “in the real world.” But it was actually the opposite for me. The friendships that I hold most dearly to my heart are the ones I made out of high school. I grew closer with a girl that I had always known, but never knew how similar we truly are. Being friends with Lily taught me to enjoy the mundane things in life, she showed me how good going for a drive and talking was for the soul. She is always there to understand my boy troubles. She was always the one to show me my new favorite song. I feel very lucky to have a friendship worth missing, and I can't wait for a visit from one of my closest friends. I saw how lucky I really am when I met Savana. Immediately, after working one shift with her in that tiny little hut, I learned what it was to have a soul tie. I saw what it was like for a friend to always be there for you, to know you so completely. After 3 short months, we decided to leave it all behind and move to Charleston together. Making such a step was so scary, but having such an incredible friend to experience it with made it feel like just another adventure. We lived in Charleston for 8 months, and navigated adulthood together. Felt the struggle of funds running low, of having 12 hour days so we could have the life we always dreamed of. We have formed a bond like I have never experienced before. My friendship with Savana has taught me about girlhood, what it means to have someone there for you through your ups and downs. She showed me that my friendship is worth something, and for that I'll be eternally grateful.
I used to think that every friend I make has to be someone that I would call no matter what. Now I know that every friendship has a different purpose. You’ll have a friend that you talk to 24/7, but you’ll also have a friend that you don’t talk to often but when you do it feels like you never stopped. You’ll have friends that you just simply like to gossip with. You’ll also have friends that show you around the new town you just moved to. All these friendships have shaped me into who I am, showed me my company was worth having. I then noticed how I am a reflection of everyone I have ever known. I think that is very special.